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I am a big bad wolf

Everyone has a battle going on inside them. It’s fought between two wolves. One of the wolves is good and the other bad. Which one wins? The one that you feed the most. That’s how the proverb goes.

Starving an animal to death? Isn’t that something that a “bad” wolf would do? When an animal is corned, when’s it’s life threatened can you really blame it for lashing out? That’s just what happens when you try to suppress something that is innately a part of you. It will inevitably show up in ugly ways (has any one here heard of the catholic church before?). It’s seemingly an insoluble impasse: to kill the evil within you must and you will become evil.

I’m a monster. We all are deep down. I get so angry sometimes over what at other times I would dismiss as a mere triviality. Oh I lost at super smash bros ultimate for the millionth time in a row? I may just need to leave an abstract piece of art in the form of a hole in the nearest wall. Wont that be nice. That’s how I fell when this type of mood takes me. “I’m a dormant volcano ready to explode!”

The only thing that keeps me from a career as the worst interior designer of all time is when I manage to slow down for a second and try to understand my motivations. Why am I so concerned with winning or whatever the issue happens to be. Usually the answer involves some misconception about how the results I’m getting reflect on me as a person. it’s an ego thing. I take shit personally (sometimes). Awareness is my saving grace.

And when I’m tuned in to what’s going on I can acknowledge hey sometimes I’m crazy. Sometimes I’m angry. Sometimes I’m completely irrational. Yo bad wolf over there in the corner looking all gaunt and shit, I see you buddy! We’re gonna get you some food and water and take care of you. It’s gonna be ok!

And then I feel better.